Online Dating

Thought I would share something that happened to me, a while ago, in the world of online dating... So, I'm dicking around on my computer one night when I see that I just got a new message from somebody. I check my inbox real quick, and here is the first message - FIRST MESSAGE - sent to me by someone I've never interacted with in any way before:

OK, so that's weird. To this day, I have no idea if she was trying to reference something and be clever, or just batshit crazy. But let me continue the story before we get into making that judgement...

Unfortunately for whoever this was, I was bored, so instead of just ignoring her, I checked out her profile. Two things jumped out at me right away: her only photo was of the back of a honey-dipper (you know, the truck that vacuums shit out of port-o-potties). It had a 'clever' bumper sticker on it. The second thing I noticed was that her profile was full of misspellings, random capitalization, bad grammar, and statements that made about as much sense as the message I got. Best of all, she stated that she was looking for someone intelligent, because she couldn't talk to dumb people, or something like that. I think at this point, it's relevant to mention that it says, right in my profile and everything, that I'm a grammar nazi.

Actually, there was a third thing I noticed: she lived in Fresno. Which is kinda far, and also in the valley.

So, again, unfortunately for her, I was bored, and I am kind of an asshole. Which means I wrote her back:

Some of those corrections are from her message but "Online is usually an unsuccessful story" was from her profile (why are you here then?) and is one of the best fragments I've ever heard. I didn't really expect to hear back from her at this point, so I was surprised when, pretty quickly, I got this:

OK, just the highlights from that one: thought I was correcting "age gap" instead of an/and... and I never corrected starting a sentence with "and", because she didn't do it - but obviously she knows it's incorrect - but it's how she loves to begin some of her sentences! (to be fair: I do this too.)

Having not gotten ignored or told to fuck off yet, I decided it was time to get a little more direct:

Note the time stamp - she didn't even have to think about it! I really hate when people try to refuse to get angry:

I'll provide that link here in case you want to read it for yourself. It took her a couple minutes to get back to me. I assume she was reading. (Her writing style really did make me think of word salad.)

Ahhhh... That's what I was waiting for.

Does anyone have any idea what FTF stands for?